Emmy award-winning journalist, documentary filmmaker, and menopause advocate Tamsen Fadal joins Zibby to discuss her must-read guide, HOW TO MENOPAUSE. Tamsen opens up about her unexpected health crisis during a live news broadcast in 2019, which led to her shocking discovery that she was in menopause. She talks about her pivot from decades of TV journalism to creating a documentary, The End Factor: Shredding the Silence on Menopause, and writing this book to help women navigate this often misunderstood stage of life. She and Zibby discuss everything from perimenopause symptoms and hormonal shifts to self-advocacy in the doctor’s office and the beauty and freedom that emerge from embracing midlife changes.

Transcript:

Zibby: Welcome Tamsen. Thank you so much for coming on Moms Don't Have Time To Read Books to discuss How To Menopause. So excited. Thank you so much for writing this book and thank you for being here today. 

Tamsen: Thank you. Thanks for having me. 

Zibby: So you are a total expert. You've already done a whole documentary. You're like a, just here to help everyone talk about when and why you've pivoted your career. You've changed your whole branding and you've gone into the menopause life. So talk about the whole thing.

Tamsen: Yeah I don't even know. I don't even know when it all happened. If I look at it, I look back and I'm like, oh my gosh.

I feel like, I've been a journalist forever and I had an incident one night in November of 2019 that landed me on the floor of the ladies room while I was in the middle of a news broadcast. I used to broadcast the evening news in New York with WPIX tv, and I did that forever. And I thought I was gonna do that forever.

And I landed on the floor not knowing what was wrong. One of my coworkers brought me there. I had this severe anxiety and what felt like just a flush of fever all over my body. And my heart racing outta control. And the heart was the thing that scared me the most. I wound up going to the I recovered after not too long went.

I went to the doctor within the following weeks and I ended up eventually with a note in my patient portal. Cause I didn't originally go to a gynecologist. I originally went to a therapist. I said, maybe it's anxiety, maybe you need some antidepressants. I wound up going to my gynecologist and I got a note and it had four words in it. It said, in menopause, any questions. That was what was in my patient portal and I went, what? I'm too young for that. But I was 49 at the time, so obviously not too young, but I had no idea. That sent me down this kind of rabbit hole of trying to figure out what was going on, how this happened to me, 'cause I hadn't heard very anybody talk about it and finally realized that, half the world was gonna be a menopause by the year 2025. And this was 2019. 2020 when I got the, got that news. And so I started talking about it, with people. I didn't get a lot of information. Started asking questions and that, that's where we are today. Constant questions led me to this really with very few answers. 

Zibby: And so what did you do next? How did you start learning and taking what happened to you to be science and all of the rest. 

Tamsen: Yeah. I took those and I said I, I need to do something with this information.

I was getting a lot of it. I talked to a friend of mine who was going through the same thing who had been a producer on the Today Show, Joanne LaMarca, and she said, we need to put this together somehow to help women. And so we ended up saying like, all right, let's see if we can just put a film together.

We can throw it up on YouTube just to give women some answers. But luckily we ran across two women in LA who were documentarians and we joined forces together, and that's how the documentary was born. The End Factor Shredding, the Silence on Menopause. It was about a three year journey of putting that together, interviewing doctors all over the country, interviewing women, sharing their stories from all over the country, and then PBS picked it up, which was super exciting and let me know that there's a real audience for it, 'cause I had gotten a lot of, there's no audience for this from menopause. No one wants to talk about menopause. It's a, just not a word that people wanna bring up. Just be a little quiet with it. So we were working on the documentary at the same time.

I realized I had so many interviews that I was doing and wanted to do that I approached a publisher about a book and so I said, it's the what to expect when you're expecting, but it's how to menopause, how to par, like what to do. And that's how the book came about. So while the film has a number of interviews and that the book has 42, and I was able to, go a little bit deeper with the book and go into sleep and go into nutrition and wellness and talk about our bodies and how they change and how everything kind of changes during this time.

And I think I found some women that were just really my, my the community has helped me, has helped guide me to understand what they wanna talk about and what we all wanna talk about together. So it's been an incredible journey. 

Zibby: And when you opened up and asked women to talk, what did you hear?

Tamsen: Oh my gosh. You know what? Some of the raw stories I've ever heard before, being a journalist, I've heard thousands and thousands of different type of stories, but this one. Hit me personally, and I think that's why I dove so deep into it, but I would hear things that were going on with their partners, how, their sex life is different.

How they went from having children to going right into perimenopause or being in perimenopause at the same time, trying to understand, what to do at this stage when their body feels different, how to dress different, how their skin is different, their hair. Very vulnerable stories, but I think the one through line is the mindset.

I think that is the one through line of saying, wow, this is this different season in my life. And I think a lot of us feel maybe we're not so relevant anymore. Maybe we're feeling a little invisible. Maybe we wanna do something different than what we were doing before. So I feel like their questions have led me down these different paths that I didn't think had anything to do with menopause, but I realized all I wanted to be part of the book 'cause they were all part of the journey that all of us had been on together and are still going on together. 

Zibby: And so how do you menopause? What was your, how do, what were the findings that you 

Tamsen: Very carefully. You know I think that the biggest thing that I learned that I've.

I've known all along community was important. I and we've all heard that in any season of life that we're in, I don't think I've ever seen it quite so important as this one of having community, having other women to talk to, being aware that doctors are, don't get a lot of training when it comes to menopause.

So women feel very dismissed. They feel like they don't know what's going on. So I think, when you say like, how do you menopause? You have to be your biggest advocate. And I hate to put that onus on women, but unfortunately that's the case. There's not a ton of research out there that makes women feel comfortable.

There are not large amounts of education going on with doctors, so doctors have to learn a lot on their own. And so I think you have to, how to menopause, you have to be your advocate first. Then you have to also know that this is a season that can be a really beautiful one. It doesn't have to be all dread and pain and suffering, and there are ways to not suffer, and that's what.

That's what I wanted to get across in the book more than anything else because, a lot of us go through that. A lot of us think we have to just suck it up and we'll all, it'll all be okay and that's not the case. 

Zibby: And wait, explain what is the beauty? Where does the beauty come in? 

Tamsen: Oh, I promise there's beauty.

That's what I said at first and I was like, what? What? Now are you just saying that? So I don't feel so scared about it, but you know what I think there is quite, there's a bit of freedom, that comes in this time in life. I think we all hear the phrase like, oh, I don't care what I say anymore.

I'm not even filtered anymore. Age has done this to me. But what I think really does it is there's this bit of time that you have to take a pause and take care of yourself finally. And I think as women, we don't really spend a lot of time doing that. We almost ask for permission to have that time to take care of ourselves.

And I think this is the time that we have no choice but to do that. I found an incredible freedom in feeling okay to step away from the only job that I'd ever known for, decades of being a journalist, thinking that was the only title that was gonna make me relevant. And not knowing that there was this whole other world out there.

And then I also think that, helping educate women and helping take that part of my voice of asking questions and teaching them has made me feel just so whole, a whole, like I've never felt before. So there's some beauty that comes with that. A lot of people are like, oh, there's beauty.

You don't have your periods anymore. And of course that's one of 'em. But I think for me, that the bigger part of it is that freedom of my mindset, of knowing that this is my time to really, to nurture myself. 

Zibby: So in those moments when you were changing careers, not to keep jumping around, but I find that.

Tamsen: No good. 

Zibby: That's very empowering and I know so many people, especially at this time of life, are ready to take something else on or they're like, wait, I'm smart and I'm motivated, but what do I do and where do I go? Like how did you manage that transition and were you ever feeling oh, this is a mistake. I'm too scared to go this direction. 

Tamsen: I, as I was signing off, I was saying that the same thing. They were like throwing a party for me in the studio that day and to say, Tam's been here how many years and here's your old videos. And I was like, oh my gosh, am I do I need to take this all back? Is it too late? 

No. I think that fear just comes with that. I think it just does anything new, anything different, anything that is. Makes you step outside of your comfort zone. And I'm certainly outside of my comfort zone. I'm not a doctor. I'm a journalist.

That's what I am by trade. I'm a storyteller. And so I knew that I was gonna carry that part with me. And yes, that pivot came with a lot of planning. It came with a lot of back and forth. I, my mom always used to say to me do the list of the pros and cons. And I thought, really, for something this important, like this feels more important than just the pros and cons list.

But yeah, it came with a lot of fear and there's some days I wake up and I go, gosh, it would've been a lot easier just to go into the studio today and know what I was gonna do at the end of the day versus the documentary, I didn't really, I'd never done one before. I wasn't sure what the reaction was gonna be, and it turns out that it's now been seen in over 35 countries.

And was never, I'm not in any way prepared for what's happened, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. And when I'm stopped on the street by somebody that says I went to the doctor and I asked questions, or I'm feeling better, or, thank you, then I know I'm on the right path.

It's almost like. It's almost like just when I get a little bit nervous about what I, where I am, I get something sprinkled in my path to let me know. It's like little breadcrumbs, let me know I'm going the right way. And I would never say to anybody just be fearless. 'cause I don't know how to do that, but I definitely do know how to take one step at a time and that's what it took.

Zibby: And in the book, what should women do when they're ready to take care of themselves and make themselves a priority? Pay attention to the signs. Then what? Yeah, like what is the most, yeah, and also how do you tell the difference between the fact that we're aging versus a hormonal shift? Like where is the line between just like how to menopause versus how to age gracefully.

Tamsen: I told you I threw out my back over the weekend, so I'm like, oh my gosh. Maybe that's age, that's not math class for sure. It's a really good question. I always say if a woman is in their late thirties, into their forties, they should start looking for some of these different symptoms that, that you will normally see, so you're not thinking.

Playing whack-a-mole with them because all women are gonna go through the perimenopause and then into menopause. And menopause is really only one day. It's the one day that you haven't had your period for 12 months. And so anything up before that is perimenopause. So if you are seeing hair loss or dry skin, if you are, feeling like you don't have any libido, if you are feeling this increasing heat come over you at different weird times. If you're in night sweats it. You used to be the person that would fall into bed and go to sleep, and that's not happening anymore. If you are feeling like you're gaining weight in different areas, even though you're eating the same and working out the same, many of those are these symptoms of perimenopause and it really, it doesn't mean anything except that your hormones are starting to fluctuate a bit.

I would say this, I would say that I wish that I had known earlier, so I could have gone, oh I got it. That's what this is, and now I can start addressing some of those things versus oh my gosh, is there's something seriously wrong with me and what do I do about it? Because I think the fear comes with the not knowing.

Zibby: That's so true. So what advice then, if you have somebody who has a lot of symptoms, do they go to the doctor? 

Tamsen: Yeah. 

Zibby: Do they, how do they know they have the right doctor? Because I've gone to, I've gone to a lot of like events and things about this. One advice is advocate for yourself and, but it's so hard to know when you're in your doctor's office.

Tamsen: It's so hard. 

Zibby: Do I have the right doctor? How do you even know? 

Tamsen: Yeah. I actually did a script in the book because I live my life by scripts, but also because I think it's really important that you feel empowered. 'cause I don't think it's so easy to say to a woman or anybody go advocate for yourself and you're not feeling a hundred percent or go advocate for yourself when this person's had 15 years of training and you have it, in this area. I think it's important to ask really direct questions like, I'm. 43 years old. I know that at some point, perimenopause and menopause are gonna be something I'm dealing with. Could this be it? I think you have to ask really direct questions.

We get seven to 15 minutes with our doctors at some point. I would even start with a nurse practitioner or somebody who's in that room. So you're setting it up. I would make. I would make sure to ask a very direct question. Are you comfortable talking about options for me? Are you comfortable talking about hormone therapy? If that's an option that you would want, if it's not an option, are you comfortable talking about other options that I have? And I the doctor I was going to, I'd gone to for 20 plus years, it was somebody I'd been through everything through endometrium, polyps, through every, everything. And I was really sad to leave them because it was such a comfort level and I just thought like the, I had this cell phone. I was very comfortable with my doctor, but I wasn't comfortable with what was happening to me, that I was still having to go figure it all out and feeling like I was being crazy by continuing to ask these questions. So I found a doctor that was, that specialized in menopause and really understood it and not only understood hormones and had to talk about them, but understood the lifestyle changes.

'cause I'm not one that says just got hormones and it'll all work out. I think you have to know your options. My mother died of breast cancer, so if she had survived breast cancer, most likely she wouldn't have been able to do hormones and she would've had to have another option out there. So that's really important that women that are in that area are part of the conversation.

But most important to me, that women in their late thirties, forties don't suffer because those are awesome times and you should be feeling amazing and not feeling you've gotta just sit there in silence. 

Zibby: One more thing I'm wondering about is how you have done your branding, because I'm obsessed with all of it.

You it's from the website to the Instagram and I've been following I've getting your newsletter forever. Ev, every week we have another like question or what are we tackling or whatever, something inspiring. And then you even have all these workshops that you can add on in this new bonus campaign.

And it's really smart marketing. Thank you tell me about that. Are you working with a firm? Are you just a marketing genius? Oh, like what do you, how did you, I'm not a marketing genius. Tell me about it. 

Tamsen: No, I don't have a marketing firm or anything. I have somebody that does my website. It's Sky High Interactive.

It's a woman named Becca, who I adore. I was working with her before I was even into all this, and we had put together a website, just, it was just a, like a personal website. And then I said to her, I think we're gonna make some changes on all of this because we are going into another area. And she goes, okay, that's really different than being a news journalist.

But I think what was important to me with all of it, is providing information that I couldn't find anywhere in one place. And so for me. And, I'm constantly changing it because I wanna add more stuff and more stuff, and I would be adding stuff every single day if I could. So it's important to me two things for it to be clear and actionable because there's nothing worse when you have brain fog.

Oh, brain fog. Another big one that I didn't mention before. When you have brain fog or can't remember things like. What to do. And I don't think it's fair to tell women like, go here Google. Because you can find a lot when you Google. So I wanted to make sure I put as many vetted resources that I could on the website, and I'm still trying to build that out the best I can.

And then with social, I don't know we really have a good time with it. I do have some people that help me with the social now because we're going from event to event and wanna get interviews with the women that are there. And that's been fun. And so we just try to set out and really look at what the community's talking about, whether it's on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok, and then say, how do we address some of those things as we go forward?

So we don't have I dunno, calendars way in advance and planning I, I don't have any of that because I couldn't even think that far in advance. But we just try to move, but I just can't, and everyone's so annoyed with me about it right now. We need a plan. And I said, I don't have a plan.

My plan is tomorrow. But we have a really good time with kind of moving those things out. And so if we, shoot content, we'll, we'll do like stuff in the kitchen for a few days in advance to make sure that's done. But I can't say oh and march 15th, here's what we're gonna put on the calendar.

I just, I think we have to go with the flow of the community and what we're, what we're hearing. And once we did the documentary, that was like a source of so many women talking about what they wanted to know and what was confusing to them. So every time I see a lot, then I try to put together one of those PDFs to put it all in one place.

I'm glad you noticed it. 

Zibby: Oh my gosh. No, I love it. I love it. 

Tamsen: Thank you. So I just try to do what's easy in my brain. Yeah. No I, it really, I can't get a, I can't be in clutter because then I can't process anything and the brain fog made me like. 

Zibby: No, it's helpful and, but 

Tamsen: I'm happy to pass all those names along and all of it.

Zibby: It's really, it's good trying. It's really good. Thank you. Do you ever wonder, if women, particularly at this stage, stopped worrying about all of this stuff, right? If there was a solution, if they knew and could put it in a box, like you're saying because they understand the symptoms and just can put it aside or stop worrying about their bodies really in any way.

Tamsen: Yeah. 

Zibby: And focus on other stuff, like the power of that to have all that extra mind space freed up.

Tamsen: Oh my gosh, i, you know what I, I do think about that a lot because I always think of where we are at this time in life. We're in this place where we're at the peak of so many things.

We've got that wisdom right, and we're thriving. And like my forties were an awesome time. My thirties were an awesome time and I want things to not feel so scary. And I would like that. I'd like you to know that hey, we're gonna do this and this is where it's gonna happen. Which is why I think there should be some kind of baseline in women's healthcare, because I think a lot of times we don't have it.

We don't have time to, go to five different doctors or means to go to 20 different doctors to figure out what's going on. And if we knew that it was that, and then we had five solutions, whatever it is, this person can do this person can do that. It would be nice, I know that everybody comes by it differently.

The intensity of symptoms are differently. The length of time you're gonna have different symptoms that I'm gonna have, and I understand all that stuff, but I think that there is some kind of comfort in knowing what you're dealing with and then so you can, we want, we're solution oriented. Women are like, tell me what the problem is and we'll solve it. That's what I think. I, when I talk to men oftentimes, it's what's the problem? All right let's see. And a woman's let's get to the source and figure it out. And so I would love to see that in time with research and that's what we're, that's what we're fighting for all the time because I think it's, we have to take charge of our own health.

Nobody else is gonna do it for us. 

Zibby: I was so sorry to hear about your mom. What do you think she would make of your whole career right now? What would she say? If she could see you. 

Tamsen: I don't know. I think she'd be shocked. I don't know. She died when I was in college, and so she never knew.

You know what I what I ever did, but I hope she does. I hope she looks down and knows, but I hope that I do it so nobody else suffers like she did. She went through chemotherapy and during that time she was like sweating all the time and hot. And we'd go into a restaurant, out of a restaurant and she couldn't stay anywhere and we'd all kinda laugh it off together.

And when I look back now, it was a few years ago, and I said, wow, I, she must have been in menopause. And then I got more information that a lot of women that go through, she had a double mastectomy and chemotherapy and radiation. She obviously went through a surgical menopause, but Ned never said the word and I don't even know if she knew she was in it. And maybe she did, but she never told me. And I even asked my dad, he was 82 at the time, and I said, did mom ever say that she was in menopause? And he said, I had no idea until I started listening to some of your videos. 

Zibby: Oh my gosh. 

Tamsen: And interviews. Isn't that unbelievable?

So all these years later, we had no idea. So I hope that she would be grateful that, maybe there's another woman out there, or millions of women that don't have to suffer not knowing. I hope so. Thank you for that question. That was a really kind question. 

Zibby: What, what is left for you now?

What is on your wishlist? Are we starting the Tams and Fidel Center for Women's Health? Like where are we going with this? 

Tamsen: Gosh, I wish, I would love that. I would love to be helping more women. Yeah. I think that my, my goal is to advocate for more women. Find not only the education now, but the access.

I think that's really important. 'cause we can talk about it forever in panels and have these conversations, but now we have to get women the real help, and I think that's what's most. Important to me is figuring out ways to partner to do that, because I think that we're, none of us can do it by ourselves.

And I do really think that there's gotta be an answer for women. There's gotta, there's gotta be something that they can go to so they're not like, hey, thanks for that, now what do I do? Because we're talking about women in all different areas, not just women in New York and LA and in these big cities.

We're talking about women that don't have access to an O-B-G-Y-N or have the travel miles for it or don't have the time to take off and go see a doctor take off five hours off of work. So that's really the next part that I'd like to focus on is that access. 'cause I think it's critical and workplace too. 'cause each one of us work in a different kind of environment and I think it's important for employers to know what's going on and, figure out if there's ways, depending on the work environment to help these women. 

Zibby: I wanna do a screening. I know it's too late. It's already out, but still.

Tamsen: Oh, I love.. 

Zibby: Do you still do this? 

Tamsen: No. They're going on everywhere. 

Zibby: Okay. 

Tamsen: Yes, we, yes, we have hundreds coming up, like across the world. Okay. I would, I'd be honored. 

Zibby: Okay. I'm gonna email after. 

Tamsen: I would love to do that. 

Zibby: Set something up would be fun. 

Tamsen: Yeah, please do. We'll, I'll get it set up with you personally.

Zibby: Okay. 

Tamsen: Yeah, absolutely. I would love that. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. The documentary has been an interesting to hear women talk and react to what they didn't know. And so it makes me feel really 

Zibby: good. 

Really good. Good for you. Thank you for helping so many people. It's really amazing and,.. 

Tamsen: Oh gosh, thanks for what you do.

Zibby: No. Stop it. 

Tamsen: You're the you're the woman that lifts up all women, so thank you for that. 

Zibby: Thank you. All right. 

Tamsen: You do well. 

Zibby: Congratulations, and I'm so excited to see all the places this book will go. 

Tamsen: Oh, thank you so much. 

Zibby: Okay. Bye Tanon. Thank you. 

Tamsen: Bye bye. Thank you. 

Zibby: Feel better with your back.

Tamsen: Thank you so much. 

Zibby: Okay, bye. 

Tamsen: Bye-Bye.