New York Times bestselling author Chasten Buttigieg returns to the podcast, this time to discuss his charming, delightfully illustrated new picture book, PAPA’S COMING HOME. Chasten shares the sweet inspiration behind the story—a joyful, everyday celebration of family that reflects his own with his husband, Pete, and their two children. He talks about writing the book mid-flight, the hidden Easter eggs in the illustrations, and the emotional power of homecomings and hugs. The conversation weaves through parenting moments, the challenges and beauty of bedtime routines, and the power of unconditional love. Chasten also reflects on the impact of his YA memoir and the meaningful conversations it sparked across the country.

Transcript:

Zibby: Welcome, Chasten. Thank you so much for coming back on Totally Booked with Zibby now to talk about Papa's Coming Home. Congratulations. 

Chasten: Thank you. Thanks for having me. 

Zibby: It's my pleasure. I am going to feel inferior literally every time I get to the airport from now on, because this is what I could be getting.

And instead, maybe a car service or something. Probably not. 

Chasten: I mean, I think the hug at the end of the day is the best thing. 

Zibby: Oh, I know that's true. 

Chasten: Yeah,.. 

Zibby: But Ill take the, I'll take the cake. The cake would be nice. I wouldn't turn it down. 

Chasten: Yeah. Yeah. 

Zibby: Okay. Give a little rundown of what the book is, is about.

Chasten: Well, uh, I actually wrote the book on an airplane. I was, uh, thinking for a long time about the kind of story I wanted to tell. Uh, I really just set out to find books that looked like our family. I had been searching for a book that I could read to my kids, you know, this was about two years ago. It's wild to think my kids are about to turn four.

And when they were about two, I was looking for a book like this and I just wanted it to be a fun day in the life story, uh, of a family that looked like ours. And while I was on the airplane, I thought about how excited I was to get home to them and how excited the characters in this book might be, uh, to welcome their dad home.

And, and that's where, that's where it came from. And my kids sort of helped me write it along the way as I went through draft, uh, after draft of the book. Uh, and, and here's where we wound up. 

Zibby: Wow. So what you don't find out in the book. I have some questions about where was the dad? How long was he gone? I, I, I need to know, I want the itinerary.

I think it's 

Chasten: actually, um, well, let me see. Um, oh, is there 

Zibby: a clue somewhere that I missed, 

Chasten: I think on the refrigerator. You know, it's really funny is this actually isn't the book. That's funny. Oh, 

Zibby: you're right. Okay. This 

Chasten: is just a fake cover? Yes. On a different book. 

Zibby: Oh, I see. So he's been gone 13 days. Yeah.

Okay. Thank you for that. 

Chasten: Yeah. I think, I think they have Michigan Spell. Yes. 

Zibby: Michigan, yes. Yeah. Mic. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 

Chasten: Obviously, any chance I can get to brag about Michigan or or slip Michigan into the narrative, I'm going to 

Zibby: see, this is my grownup brain reading and skipping some illustrations and focusing on words.

Shame on me for losing. My child 

Chasten: has so many good little Easter eggs hidden in the book. I loved working with Dan on hiding, uh, little things throughout the book. Like, uh, the number of their house. That's my birthday. 

Zibby: Oh, I'm like, what did I, what is hidden that I'm missing now? I'm going through, through every page I, 

Chasten: the cute little baby pictures on the wall.

It's all these tiny details. You know, what, what makes the house a home? Uh, and all the little, 

Zibby: your birthday's 23. 

Chasten: Yeah. June 23rd. 

Zibby: Oh, wow. Okay. Well now I'm looking closely. The illustrator's amazing, by the way. 

Chasten: He's great. He did such a beautiful job with the book and when we first got the art back, Penelope right away, my daughter, she was like, Hey, that looks like me.

Hey, that's Gus. Hey, that's, yeah, it was really deep. I 

Zibby: feel like you could maybe sell all these flowers. You know, you have this gorgeous bouquet here, which you could almost pair work with a florist for like a Father's Day gift. Oh, man. Wouldn't be fun. 

Chasten: Well, actually, here in, uh, traverse City, I, I partnered with a local coffee company and they're selling, uh, Rosie and Jojo's Java.

Zibby: Ooh, that's good too. 

Chasten: We're doing a Father's Day blend and it benefits, uh, the local library and the, uh, up North Pride organization here. Oh, 

Zibby: that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Okay. So forget my flower idea, but I still, but I would 

Chasten: love the flowers. Yeah, so flower would be cool too. Fictional aspect of the book.

I do not have a beautiful flower garden at my house. Half the time. I don't wanna kill it. All of it, you know, 

Zibby: but the stinky cheese in the robe check. 

Chasten: Love my robe. And uh, it's my husband who's a fan of stinky cheese. And when I was working with Gus and Penelope, brainstorming like ideas that the papa might have missed, stinky cheese came up.

Zibby: Wow. When we last talked, you were thinking about writing this book. You were like, it's some sort of story about the two dads, but it's not about the fact that there are two dads. It's just that the dads are in it, da da, and now here it is. Were there, were there other plots that you investigated or was this the main thing?

Chasten: I really liked the idea of a travel story. And I kind of, you know, this was, this is a pretty watered down version of some of the different versions that I, I liked. Um, but I think maybe there's room for a sequel then, you know, the adventures that Rosie and jojo get up to. But you're right, it was really important to me at the end of the day that we just had a story that looked like our family, that I don't always want to be reading books to my kids.

That discusses difference. I think there's a room for, there's room for those books and we should have those books to have really important conversations. But I don't wanna read a story to my kid at the end of the night. That might, uh, prompt larger discussions when we're just trying to get them to go to bed.

Right? Like, everyone's different. It's okay to be different. You are different. Your family's different. I just wanted a, you know, an everyday life story and so I'm really happy where we landed. 

Zibby: Yeah, it's really lovely. Really lovely. Thank you. Tell me some stories about trips that you've taken and who has picked you up.

Like has there been a moment where someone really exciting picked you up or you wanted someone to pick you up and they didn't show up? Do you have anything like that? 

Chasten: You know, I just came home from a big trip a couple days ago. Uh, but I, I got home at midnight and I think one of the best parts about coming home is that big hug.

The way we see it in the airport at the end of the book, but just the fact that someone missed you so much. 

Zibby: Mm-hmm. 

Chasten: Uh, and so my kids actually woke me up the next morning. You know, they get up at like quarter to six right now it's pretty tough, but the way they run into the bedroom and they jump up on the bed and they're so happy to see you.

And I, I think about when we would bring the kids to the airport to, to see Pete. Uh, my husband when he would come home from a trip and how I'd, I would get them outta their car seat so that they could run up to him on the sidewalk. And that is just, as a parent, you know, it is the best feeling in the world to have those little arms wrapped around you.

Um, and, and for them to tell you that you were missed. 

Zibby: That is nice. Can't you? Can't ever, uh, a hug can never be underrated. 

Chasten: Yeah. Overrated. 

Zibby: Underrated. Yeah. 

Chasten: Yeah. 

Zibby: We call '

Chasten: em tight squeezes and uh, you know, sometimes I'll say tighter. Tighter. And they just keep squeezing my arms tighter and tighter, and you just never wanna let you know them go.

And I think I'm very conscious of it 'cause so many people always tell you it goes too fast. It goes so fast. You know, parenting goes so fast and I always think about how I'm gonna want those types of hugs one day. You know, when they're, I was an eighth grade teacher, so I'm dreading the teenage years when they might not want to hug you as tightly.

So 

Zibby: my teenagers still hug me very tightly, and they're my, my twins are eight, gonna be 18 next month. Now my son is like, could crush me. He's so strong, you know, but their hugs are the best and it's, you know, it's, it's different, but it doesn't go away. 

Chasten: Good. I, I, I hope so. 

Zibby: And I mean, I. I don't know the pressure to like enjoy it all when a lot of it is really, really hard.

I mean, it's okay. Like it's not all gonna be great, but yes, one day it will be over. But that doesn't necessarily mean it went fast. It just mean, it just means it went 

Chasten: right. I'm always conscious of this idea someone gave when, when you're in one of the really tough moments, one of the really like tricky moments where you're, you know, sometimes they don't go to bed till like 10:00 PM Like you put 'em down at seven and they just.

Asked for hours and you wanna pull your hair out. Mm-hmm. Like what I do to get you to go to bed. 

Zibby: Mm-hmm. 

Chasten: And someone told me once, like, one day you're gonna wish that you were able to tuck him into bed like one more time. Or when they're my daughter especially, she'll cry like, I need one more hug. Or she'll say, you didn't give me a hug.

Good night. It's like hour three. Like, I've given you so many hugs. Good night. Like one day. You'll wish that they called you in to give them one more hug or one more kiss. Goodnight, or one more story. But yeah, in the moment you're like, okay, I get it one day I might want this, but I'm also so tired and I still have to do the dishes.

Zibby: Yeah. If you want me to live to that day, you have to let me go to sleep right now. Yes. 

Chasten: You need to go to bed right now. 

Zibby: One more hug is Children's book. I've had the author on, I'm trying to remember who it was. I think it might have been. Megan Alexander, but it, that's the whole premise of the book. It's like she doesn't wanna, she's, she's tired and dah, dah, dah.

But 

Chasten: is it helpful? Do I need to get it? You should get it. 

Zibby: You should definitely get it. One more hug if I, I'll, I'll send you the link when, when we get off. Oh, thank you. I am sure I'll, I'll be able to find it, but I, I do think that. Hanging on to this sense of joy that you have in the book. Like your whole book is so joyful.

The colors and all the festivities and anything with sprinkles is just like fun, right? It's like that kind of joy is not necessarily correlated with airline travel these days. You know, like. Yeah, true. So if there's a way we could sort of meld them, did you see, by the way, I saw this on Instagram last night, that there's a, a Dunkin, like, takeover is the wrong word, but when you take like, it, like wrapped the plane, a JetBlue plane and Dunkin to like, make it fun and like they give like free, free coffee on, on, on this one airplane in the whole line.

Chasten: I mean. I have my questions about coffee on airplanes anyway. Mm-hmm. You know, my kids are, they're really good. Travelers, knock on wood, they really love airplanes. They, they love traveling. And, uh, I'm wondering how long it's gonna last for the tablet, um, rule to play because we, we gave them tablets this year and we told 'em they only work on airplanes.

And so. Working. Like they go back in the closet and they got them outta the closet like a couple weeks ago and my daughter was like, oh, we can't play with those gusts. Those are just for the airplane. Like That's right. They only work on airplanes. 

Zibby: I am so impressed. That is good. That is a good trick.

They're gonna be very upset one day, but it's a good, they're airplane 

Chasten: tablets. Yeah. 

Zibby: Airplane tablets. Oh my gosh. Brilliant. Totally brilliant. Yeah. How I raised the older ones without iPads. I don't even know. But anyway, somehow you get through. 

Chasten: Oh yeah. I mean, I wanted, you know, they needed to be, I. Quiet for five hours.

So just, you know, it's crazy to watch how their brains work on, on those things, which is terrifying for me. 

Zibby: Mm-hmm. 

Chasten: But you know, for five hours it worked. 

Zibby: So when we last spoke, you were just coming out with your young adult adaptation of your memoir. And you felt very strongly that your younger self would've really appreciated a book like that and you had to put, you wanted to put it in the world to help others who might be feeling other or going through some of the things you went through.

How did it, how did it go 

Chasten: for the YA book? 

Zibby: Mm-hmm. 

Chasten: I had incredible conversations around the country. We. We went to so many cities, and particularly in the sort of red and purple states talking with these parents who would show up to the book event just because they didn't really know what to do and they, they might have had a kid, uh, that came outta the closet.

Uh, and I remember specifically some of the conversations I had in Texas and Florida where these p Who had to put, you know, prior beliefs and prejudice aside to keep their kid alive.

Mm-hmm. They loved me so much that they were willing to transcend what they had been taught or believed, just to support their kid. And it went really well. Uh, it was really inspiring. At the end of the day, I, I always come back to this idea that our country's full of really good people. They're such good people in this country, and you just don't read about 'em or hear about 'em every day, especially if you're online a lot, you know, in certain media platforms.

It seems like it's really dark and scary out there, which is not to say that some of what's happening right now isn't. But when you get out on the road and you're sitting in these libraries with, you know, parents and community leaders and teachers, you're just reminded of how good people are, that they want to do well by others and, and they want to support the people that they love.

And I believe that most people want to find a way. To cross the bridge to acceptance. I think that people are trying to find a way to be bigger hearted and more loving. And I hope that this children's book is also a way to help every family have that conversation that this, this too is an American family and I think the YA book specifically was really helpful for teenagers but also really helpful for parents.

In the YA book, I was able to uh, sort of expand on. You know, what I went through during childhood, uh, all the way through college, you know, before I met my husband and before the, the crazy political rollercoaster happened, and a lot of that had to do with my upbringing and the conversations that we didn't have.

Zibby: Mm-hmm. 

Chasten: I hope that it, it's helpful for parents to think about how you might talk to your kid and tell them how they are loved unconditionally. 

Zibby: Hmm. If 

Chasten: we have that conversation early. Then when we're growing up, we don't have to question whether we'll lose our parents' love because of who we are. And I think the children's book is just another example of what happens when you love your family unconditionally.

Zibby: Well, that's beautiful. Where are all these good people? How do I find them? How, how do I, how do I reach them on Instagram? Where, where are they hiding? 

Chasten: I mean, you travel so much too. You must see this when you're just talking to someone. Even, you know, even here in, in northern Michigan we're, uh, what I like to call, like the, the blueberry and the raspberry jello, you know, like little liberal city surrounded by, you know, much more conservative surroundings.

And I. I still think people like adhere by the rule in public, in person face-to-face, that if you don't have anything nice to say, you don't say it at all. And then I'm also surprised at some of the conversations I have with people at the coffee shop or at the grocery store. Especially at the grocery store.

I've, I have learned that it's gonna take me probably an extra hour to grocery shop. They talk to so many people, but I think people. When you're face to face, have to contend with your humanity. 

Zibby: Mm. 

Chasten: Talking to another human being, they're not just hiding behind a keyboard. So that's why I like to spend more time offline and, and not, you know, let the online discourse replace my idea of what reality is.

Zibby: That is tough. That's a tough one. 

Chasten: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, step one, I just, I delete it from my phone. 'cause I'd, I could always sense, you know, my finger going back to the. Icon. I just wanted to see what people are talking about. But that's not people talking, that's just some people talking. That's not everybody.

Zibby: Wait, what did you delete? 

Chasten: All the social media platforms. 

Zibby: All of them. 

Chasten: Yeah, just get rid of 'em. Sometimes I have Instagram on there because I find like I can follow my friends' lives more closely and I like the pictures. But Twitter especially, I don't need it. I just, I don't need it. And as a parent, the scary thing is the power those devices have over your attention.

And the one thing I want to be focused on when they're home from school is them. And I know when you're really tired. It's just like, I'm just gonna sit down and drink my coffee and scroll through Twitter. Like the best things in the world are right over there, you know, waiting the train set or waiting to read another book.

And I know sometimes it's exhausting. Not saying you have to play with your kids all the time. Everyone deserves a break. But what you do with that break, I think is so important. Like what's restored if sitting down and reading some of the darkest commentary in the country, or sitting down and maybe staring out the window.

Or just, you know, drinking the coffee in silence versus 

Zibby: reading a novel perhaps. 

Chasten: Yeah. Yeah. It's tough to read these days with, you know, them around, but that's true. That's that's true. Yeah. I think it's important to take those breaks. 

Zibby: No, you're right, you're right. I don't, I'm not really on Twitter either.

I went on for the first time in like a month, and I was like, Ugh, I, I gotta get in and get out. It's like I poked my head in a store and I was like, not for me. I'm out. I'm back on the sidewalk. 

Chasten: I think it's got a place. I mean, you know, I sometimes you post work stuff there updates, but I just don't feel like I'm in conversation with anybody there.

And I think when we're talking at one another and we're not talking with one another, what's the point? 

Zibby: Mm-hmm. You know? 

Chasten: When, have you ever seen someone on Twitter say. Oh my gosh. You're so right. I see it from your perspective now. 

Zibby: Yeah. 

Chasten: You know, just not real. Yeah, 

Zibby: very true. Yeah. Okay, so more children's books.

What, what is the secret sequel, and what else might be coming next from you? 

Chasten: I don't know. I'd love to hear what people think. I, I love these characters. 

Zibby: Mm-hmm. 

Chasten: I don't know where they go next. Maybe they get on the airplane next, maybe they're gonna visit someone. Mm. I just love how dedicated the parents are in the book.

Zibby: Mm-hmm. 

Chasten: I love how excited they are to sort of follow the hijinks of the twins. 

Zibby: Yep. 

Chasten: And how it sort of models like a yes and parenting style that might not always be real and you know, in real life. But I love that the parents love their kids and love their creativity. 

Zibby: Maybe it's Jojo's going away. 

Chasten: Where do you think he's going?

Zibby: I dunno. He's going on an airplane. 

Chasten: Maybe he's going to, I don't know if it's like Rosie and Jojo are going to visit their grandparents for Christmas. Yeah. 

Zibby: Oh, maybe it's weird just having one of them go somewhere. That's true. They wouldn't do that. I was trying to do the, the G sound. The like J going, I don't know.

Nevermind. Forget. Yeah. Alliteration. But it didn't even work because it's J. We can work on 

Chasten: work. 

Zibby: We'll have to workshop it a little more. 

Chasten: I do love the idea that. They're going on another adventure. 

Zibby: Mm-hmm. 

Chasten: They're really excited to go on that adventure. 'cause I think that's a, a universal experience as well when you're not only getting ready to welcome someone home, but you're getting ready to go on the adventure yourselves.

Zibby: Yep. And 

Chasten: I can see that being really fun. 

Zibby: Yeah. Little adventure kits. Yeah. Right. 

Chasten: Survival snack packs. Survival. 

Zibby: Yeah, survival kits. Well keep the blue. I love the color. The, I love the color. Anyway, this is a perfect Fathers Sea gift, obviously, but also just ongoing because it's a good, uh, if you feel guilty going on a business trip book as well.

You just, you know, store this away. Bring gifts. Yeah. Yeah. Lots of uses. 

Chasten: No, thank you. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited for Father's Day and I think this is just a great example of how kids miss their dads when they're gone. Yeah. And I'm so tickled that you know, now I'm a dad and here I am getting to write being a dad, and it's pretty exciting.

Zibby: That's awesome. Aw, I hope you keep that enthusiasm. You know, 

Chasten: easy to, while I'm doing this interview when I'm home alone with coffee, so I know to be enthusiastic right now. I know. Yes. 

Zibby: Cut to cha in like crying in the bathroom. You know the kids banging on the door, 

Chasten: vaping mac and cheese off the ceiling.

Yeah. 

Zibby: Oh my gosh. All right, well congratulations and I'll be cheering for you. 

Chasten: Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. 

Zibby: Okay, take care. 

Chasten: You too. 

Zibby: Bye-bye. Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibby formerly Moms. Don't have time to read books. If you loved the show, tell a friend leave a review.

Follow me on Instagram at Zibby Owens and spread the word. Thanks so much. Oh, and buy the books.