Zibby Mag

By Stefanie Owens

Last year was the most devastating, draining, scary, and heartbreaking year of my life.

At the beginning of 2020, I still had my mother and grandmother, the two people in my life who held my world together. By July, they were gone. Just like that.

And now I can’t believe they’ve been gone for nearly one year. One year of not seeing them or throwing my arms around them. One year without hearing my mother’s voice telling me, “There are no problems, only solutions.”

Unfortunately, this is one problem I can’t seem to solve.

I look for her everywhere I go. If only I could have one more girls’ day; if only I could have another conversation with my mom about life, love, or business, where she manages to relate seemingly everything back to a Bruce Springsteen song.

My mom, my business partner, my best friend — I miss you so much.

Ioften hear that the way to keep those we have lost with us is to talk about all the “good times.” But one of the most difficult aspects is thinking of all the good times they will have to miss.

My mom won’t be the first person I call when I get engaged; she won’t be able to help me plan my wedding or pick out my dress; she won’t meet my children; she won’t know about any more life-changing events for my brother, Kyle, and me.

I know they’re watching over us, and I know they are missed by so many, but I can’t help but feel that Kyle and I were left out in a storm with no way to make it back home safely. All we can do is try to protect and support each other.

In the beginning, when I was filled with such sorrow, I couldn’t bring myself to read the letters from friends and family who were sending their condolences. In some ways, it made the loss feel permanent, and I wasn’t ready to accept it yet.

Eventually, enough time had passed that I could read those heartfelt letters. One stuck out in particular. It was written on beautiful, ornate origami paper, and the words were perfectly suited to how I felt and where I hoped to be once I had processed this unimaginable situation.

The note said that in times of grief, we often don’t want to let others know how heartbroken, lost, scared, and angry we feel because it might be burdensome. We don’t want to upset or worry or impose on other people. We don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable with our all-consuming sorrow.

When we experience such loss, it makes us feel lost, and it takes a long time to feel like ourselves again. It’s hard to articulate exactly why this happens and why we are so guarded with our feelings.

But the truth is that it’s perfectly acceptable to feel lost. We’re trying our best to locate our strength and figure out how to navigate through life without those special people who anchored us.

The note made sense of all this while giving me the confidence that I will find myself again. And the fact that this person was only an acquaintance to me seemed to make the gesture even more special. I couldn’t believe that a relative stranger would take the time to write such a moving tribute to my family.

Go easy on those who are grieving. A kind word and a hug will go a long way.

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Stefanie Owens is the CEO of Nene’s Treats.