Zibby Mag
The Webby Award-winning literary lifestyle destination.
I Shared My Poetry on TikTok—What Happened Next Shocked Me
Tuesday, October 10, 2023I hope readers continue to recognize pieces of themselves in my work
By Sophie Diener
In April 2021, I recorded a video of myself reading aloud an original poem and then posted it to my TikTok account. I had 12 followers. I don’t remember why I did it or what I thought might happen, but I do remember that I didn’t feel there was any risk of embarrassment; nobody I knew in my real life followed me, and my username lacked any personal details. It was easier to share my art knowing that, should it be poorly received, I wouldn’t have to face whoever saw it. I could always delete it, and it would be like nothing ever happened.
When I woke up the next morning, my video had over 100,000 views. Miraculously, all the comments were kind. I was ecstatic. I had dreamt since I was a kid that this many people would listen to and like something I had created. Strangers were telling me that my words helped them or that they related to what I had written. I had been dealing with profound loneliness in the time leading up to publicly sharing my work, which made this especially encouraging.
Three months prior, in January 2021, I was one semester away from graduating college with a degree in education. Twelve credit hours of student teaching were all that stood between me and my diploma. But for a few months, I had been experiencing increasing levels of anxiety and, for the first time in my life, having frequent panic attacks. I hadn’t known how terrifying panic attacks could be until the first time I endured one. I struggled to breathe, I couldn’t feel my legs, and I had a strong and urgent sense that something very bad was about to happen to me. I rushed to the emergency room, convinced that something was seriously wrong. Of course, nothing was, but I still went home wracked by the fear that it would happen again.
That fear led to the panic attacks occurring more often. I was stuck in a vicious cycle. My declining mental health began impeding my ability to carry out basic, everyday activities. I remember the moment I realized I was too afraid to go into the grocery store. I felt hopeless, and I was convinced I would feel that way for the rest of my life.
I went home from college almost immediately after arriving in January, and I decided to take the semester off. Looking back, this was the best option for me and I was fortunate to have it. But at the time, I was embarrassed—sad that I was missing out on my senior year, isolated from my friends, and scared that I was falling behind. I had always been somewhat of a perfectionist, especially when it came to school. This was the thing I was supposed to be good at. I had handled high levels of anxiety before, but this time was different.
I was able to quickly obtain access to professional help. I started counseling, and I learned more about what causes panic attacks, and how I could practice stopping them in their tracks. I began addressing the personal circumstances that were so suddenly amplifying my anxiety. I was working again, but without schoolwork to complete, I found that I had more free time than I was used to. I was writing more than ever, processing my emotions and exercising my creativity. Although I’d always kept a journal, this was the first time I was writing anything that resembled poetry on a regular basis.
After seeing the response to the poem I posted that April, I decided I wanted to share more. I wrote about mental health, body image, and self-worth. I wrote about first love and first heartbreak. Regardless of whether I was drawing from personal experience or from my imagination, I realized that writing poetry allowed me to heal. My online community grew as I continued to post, and I was so grateful for every single person taking the time to listen to my words.
As the months went on, I returned to college and graduated one semester late. I learned how to cope with my anxiety, and while it has not disappeared from my life, it doesn’t rule me anymore. I learned how to calm my body and mind should panic arise. I’ve been sharing my work on social media for just over two years, and in that time, I’ve been met with life changing opportunities. The one I’ve been most excited about is getting to write and publish my debut poetry collection, Someone Somewhere Maybe.
I write poetry for myself, but I also write it for the people who tell me they connect with what I share. There are certainly pieces of myself hidden within my poems, and my hope is that readers can recognize pieces of themselves in my poetry as well. When I was at the lowest point of my journey with anxiety, I sought art that reminded me that my feelings were real and valid, but also temporary—art that made me feel understood, but that also gave me hope. I want my art to say now what I needed to hear then—I see you, and I believe you, and I want you to know that it gets better.
Sophie Diener was born and raised in small town southern Ohio, and has been filling up journals for as long as she can remember. She received a bachelor’s degree in Education and is currently residing and teaching in Ohio. Her first collection of poetry, Someone Somewhere Maybe was published this September by St. Martin’s Griffin.
