Zibby Mag

By Laura Tremaine

The topic of friendship seems to be everywhere right now, especially as we navigate a changed world after the pandemic and as we examine how screens and social media are affecting our relationships.

Many of us grew up on the fictional model of friendship portrayed in series like The Babysitters Club or in the coming-of-age stories from Judy Blume but have found ourselves lost in the friendships of our 20s, 30s, and 40s. We thought our friendship landscape would look different than it does.

In my new book The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs, I explore ten types of friendship that can sustain us over the course of our lives. The hope is that concentrating on the strengths of our various relationships—instead of focusing on the deficiencies—will elevate the roles we all play in having a fulfilled, supported, and fun life. I wrote the book because it was what I needed to read myself during a long spell of loneliness.

Friendship has always been complicated, which is why I turn to books to try to understand them. Reading other people’s stories about this important relationship has helped me understand my own.

Here are a few standout books about the topic of female friendship:

We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman

Released just last year, this friendship novel wrecked me and had me asking myself what I would do if I were put in the place of Ash, caring for her best friend Edi, who has entered hospice after a terminal cancer diagnosis. The premise is heartbreaking, but Ash’s narrative voice is darkly comic and real.

The Animators by Kayla Rae Whitaker

Mel and Sharon are best friends and artistic partners who are finally finding success after a decade of creating together. As their public profiles grow, self-doubt and long-held animosities rise to the surface.

This story is about the tension of friends who become business partners and how insecurities, talent, and public perception can crack the foundations of even the strongest of relationships. The themes of this book concern friendship conflict and how each perspective can simultaneously be right and wrong.

While reading The Animators, you can’t help but think about your favorite bands that broke up or other public partnerships that seems poised for total success—only to watch something entirely unspoken cause it to fall apart.

My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante

The first book in the Neapolitan series sets the stage for one of the most complicated and memorable friendships in modern literature. Elena and Lila are growing up in a poor neighborhood in Naples in the 1950s, and we follow their complex relationship starting in grade school, with two very different personalities, family backgrounds, and loyalties.

I’ve never read a series quite like the Neapolitan novels. The nuances of Elena and Lila’s friendship through the decades is set against the backdrop of neighborhood politics and what defines intelligence and success. These characters will stay with you.

Let’s Take the Long Way Home by Gail Caldwell

This is a memoir and not a novel, so it leaves a different impression. Gail and her best friend Caroline forge a friendship based on their daily walks with their dogs, where they spend hours dissecting their lives and relationships.

Both writers, Gail and Caroline share a connection and develop a friendship of deep intimacy. When Caroline is diagnosed with cancer, the friends must face a new level of relationship, grief, resilience, and loss.

I read this book not long after it came out. It has stuck with me all these years. Reading it was one of the defining moments of my own life; it’s helped me realize how important our friendships are, and how we carry one another along.

Beautiful World, Where Are You? By Sally Rooney

Alice is a famous novelist who is seeking solitude in the Irish countryside. Her best friend Eileen is struggling in an unfilled life in Dublin. This is a novel about bridging the gap that occurs after college, when our life choices diverge and a once unshakable bond gets wobbly.

The characters in this book are decades younger than I, and at first I felt too far away from their angst and their bad choices. But this is so well written and subtle that has me still thinking about it two years after reading. The themes here deal with friendship when one person has something the other covets: money, success, and love, while also finding your own identity in a long friendship.

The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer

While not exclusively about female friendship, as there are some prominent male characters in this novel, I was drawn to the story of childhood friends who met at summer camp and are now in adulthood. These teenagers become grownups who are striving for something big to happen in their lives, or resigned to a fate they’re unsure of.

My own story has some similar elements and the friendship group in The Interestings is flawed and, well, interesting. I appreciated the group dynamics present in this book, as well as the status and competition that can be inherent with people you’ve known nearly your whole life.

My Glory Was I Had Such Friends by Amy Silverstein

This is the second memoir on this list, and the third to deal with friendship through illness. Amy Silverstein needs a heart transplant twenty-six years after her first one failed. While she waits indefinitely in the hospital, her friends put together a spreadsheet planning to rotate time by her bedside. The weeks drag into months and Amy chronicles the rotation of friends who band together to ensure she is never alone.

I enjoyed reading about her different types of friends, and the strengths they brought to this journey that Amy was able to observe even more clearly from her fragile place in the hospital.

The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

This novel is a wildcard among these other thoughtful, sincere books, but I just had to include something silly and empowering as a nod to the fun of friendship.

This horror novel is about a book club’s fight against the new neighbor, who turns out to be a vampire. It’s campy and gory and I cringed and laughed and my mouth fell open throughout. I simply could not put it down.

There are a few surprisingly serious themes in this book, but by the end you are rooting for the women, their friendships, and, of course, their book club.

Laura Tremaine is a writer, avid reader, and enthusiastic podcaster. She is the host of the 10 Things to Tell You podcast and author of The Life Council and Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First. Laura grew up in Oklahoma and moved to Los Angeles sight unseen when she was twenty-two years old. She worked in film and television production for many years at MTV, VH1, Fox, and Paramount Pictures before pursuing writing full time. Laura has been sharing her life online for over a decade. She writes about friendship, anxiety, motherhood, and marriage. Her posts and podcast episodes resonate with women looking for ways to connect more deeply with others as they transform from one era of life into another.