Zibby Mag

Book jacket biographies don’t tell us nearly enough about the authors we love. That’s why Zibby Mag launched the Author Snapshot, giving readers an inside look at the lives and work of our favorite writers.

This week we’re spotlighting speaker, yoga teacher, and author Becky Vollmer, whose book You Are Not Stuck released just this week!

What inspired you to launch The Circle, your weekly gathering that celebrates the varying human experiences we all navigate?

There is nothing I love more than being in a room with people, breathing the same breath, looking into each other’s eyes, telling the deepest of truths, and being who we are. Not some shined up version of ourselves that we present to the world, but the real and complicated and glorious little disasters we reveal when we become willing to lay down the cloak of perfection and step out from under the cloud of Other People’s expectations.

Beyond that, I’m a big believer that we learn the most from hearing others’ stories. When we see ourselves in another’s struggle or fear or pain or, importantly, redemption—and we feel deep within that knowing click of shared humanity—we receive validation and perspective that is so powerful. That’s why, in The Circle, we share. Then we cry, and we laugh, and we heal. It’s all about the coming together.

In writing You Are Not Stuck, did you discover anything new in yourself?

Ohhhh, yes—though I might call it less of a discovery and more of a reinforcing of what I know to be true about the power of softening.

I’ve always been something of a hard charger: finish what you start, push through the resistance, never give up. If there’s anyone who can force a square peg into a round hole, it’s usually me! But this process didn’t quite pan out that way. A number of obstacles and distractions—heartbreak, loss, change—cropped up over the seven years between the time this book was conceived and the time it was completed. My initial approach to dealing with those struggles was to “confront,” “manage,” “overcome.” I was reminded, though, at almost every turn, about the magic of softening, of surrendering, of truly feeling my feelings rather than powering ahead in spite of them.

Yoga teaches us about the balance between ease and effort, and I felt that in this process. When I attempt to stand rigid like a rock trying to part the current of a river, there is no progress, only anguish and delay. But when I take the form of the water instead—flowing with circumstances rather than trying to resist or overpower them—progress comes more naturally.

Isn’t it funny how things often go more smoothly when we stop trying so damn hard?

How would you suggest people start creating meaningful resolutions for the New Year?

Here’s my trick: Rather than ticking off a mere “to do” or “don’t do” list, allow yourself to be guided by an overarching theme: a broad umbrella under which all the areas in which you seek change can comfortably fit, while directive enough to reinforce the principles you want to apply to the full spectrum of your thoughts, words, and behaviors.

As an example, after a solid decade of struggling to give up alcohol, I went into 2014 with a simple but powerful mantra: Honor the Holy. It wasn’t another thing added to my plate that I could simply decide to ignore, nor was it a self-imposed restriction I could rebel against. Instead, it was a lens through which I could see myself and weigh my choices. It was a way to lean into what I truly wanted for my life, and to gently remind myself it would be realized only if I chose it moment by moment, again and again. That was the year I finally gave up drinking for good.

What do you think is the first step in moving past the feeling of being stuck?

For me, the first step in creating a walkable path forward is to understand what you don’t want, and why… and then use that information to better recognize what you do want. Contrast is such a wonderful teacher because it paints a clear picture—not one of opposites, per se—but one of knowing, bone-deep, what isn’t working so that we can begin to make different choices.

What inspired you to pursue a career in empowering others to pursue their best lives?

The simplest answer is that I knew firsthand how miserable an experience it was to feel truly stuck…and I didn’t want anyone else to ever feel the way I had. To start, I began to weave messages of empowerment and choice into my yoga teaching. There was no grand plan attached to that—just me offering bits of encouragement and perspective when we were breathing or holding a pose or finding rest at the end of practice. But over time those messages began to add up and mean something, both to me and to those hearing them.

After a while, I took the words out of the yoga studio and into my writing (both a blog and social media) and that’s when things just sort of took off; what began as a Facebook page created on a whim grew into a global community of several hundred thousand people and the platform for this book. Who could have predicted? Certainly not me! But I will say this: if there’s a better, more fulfilling job than encouraging people to make soul-guided choices, I can’t fathom what it might be.

How did you approach writing your book You Are Not Stuck?

Like everything that progresses over a period of time, this book came together in a series of fits and starts – but they were fits and starts held together by a passion that simply wouldn’t go away. There may have been pauses in the process, but there was never doubt that I would finish. What carried me was an enduring dedication to the mission of wanting people to feel empowered to go after the lives they dream of rather than settling for the ones they feel stuck in. That’s really the heart of it. If there’s one thing I’m here to say, it’s that we all have choices, we just have to be brave enough to make them… and I can’t imagine ever getting tired of saying it.